“That Crazy Bus Wants to Kill me”

Che Guvara, the icon of anti-imperialism, wrote famously that, “I am not a liberator, the people liberate themselves.”

That is about as strong a conviction to individualism, freedom and liberty as it gets. And that was the road I was on, to liberate myself from being “a crappy and shitty person.” I still had a long way to go before saying that I had made it, but then my sexual escapades were down, my drinking down, my manipulation, cheating, lying and corruption were also down. All of that meant that I was within acceptable norms of behavior, again, at last. But it wasn’t enough for me.

Thailand is an old country dating back a few thousands years and Buddhism has been an integral part of most of that. Yet most Thais even today don’t have a clue what Karma is all about. To those new to Karma, it is a theory that says what ever sin you make for whatever reason, stays with you and eventually bites you in the butt at payback time.

I off course don’t plan to bite anyone in the butt anymore. Whatever sins and ill intentioned things I did and continue to do, were increasingly a knee-jerk reaction and not about what I am in my totality.

So you guessed it, many in Thailand were still very sore at me - mostly because they just can’t figure out a way to win with me. I know a few who rationalized all the things they have put me through and what I had to endure as some big lesson in self improvement that they want me to go through.

But very few actually believed I would succeed in learning the lesson of that self-improvement. Most people who are insiders, who follow my moves and development closely, believed that I would fall on my face, fail and end up back in the mental ward.

Well, like my niece Michael likes to say, “Whatever.”

And I too will copy her and say also “whatever” the rationales were, to put me through hell, it was a bit too much to try to assassinate me with that crazy bus. You see, no matter what awful and sick things I did, even when I resembled an animal more than a human being way back when my schizophrenia was out of control, I never came within a mile of thinking or feeling like hurting anyone physically.

But then, even with Thai Intelligent News shutting down and becoming non-political and also committed to betterment, the pressure cooker with me inside was full on.

Those closest to me, many at the condo where I live, and at certain paths I often took - all were still being manipulated and they were still hell bent on pressuring me - for something I don’t even try to understand. It may be revenge, fear of a return - or something.

The reason I don’t accept the theory that all that I have been put through was a lesson of some sort is because I came close to being assassinated one day - and that changes everything. That is because if I was not lucky and got killed - how could I learn whatever lesson they wanted to teach me.

And that is looking at their pressure tactics and mind games in the most positive light. A more realistic and normal point of view would be, many wanted my head on their trophy shelf, so as to be able to say, “I was the one who bought Terry down.” The reality is, very few gave a crap about me. But I deserved that.

About the assignation attempt; one day, I went shopping and as I have mentioned before, I have always had the sensation of being followed and watched. That day I wore complete black. And at a cross road, just as I was about to cross it, a kid wearing total black stood right behind me, very close and I could feel his presence. My attention went to the kid as I started to cross the road, noting that several buses were parked taking passengers at the bus stop. It was safe to cross.

My mind on the kid, I crossed, with just enough focus on the road left for a quick check for safety. And as I turned to look at the road, a crazy bus, parked a second ago, was speeding right into me, with no sign of slowing down.

I did a quick double step and jumped to the pavement on the other side, feeling the air movement that the bus made on my slipper wearing foot. It was a very close call, and a very cleaver attempt on my life. If I hadn't been t lucky, I would have been killed.

Normally, I would change my traveling routes, to keep those who followed me off my tracks and to stop them from planning exactly the type of thing that had happened with the bus. However, since stopping the blog, I relaxed, and have taken the same route I took that day a few times before.

So it was the second time, after nearly having my face smashed in, that someone wanted me hurt physically.

If that was a mental trap to try and kill me, there were others that were equally dangerous.

An old friend I respected called me up and told me some inside information about stocks that were sure to rocket up. If I invested in them, I would have made a bundle of badly needed money. Or even if I told anyone else, they could have gotten rich. But doing so, I could have been charged with inside trading. I clamped up on the information and resisted all my journalistic instinct to go public with the news, and also resisted my need for money. In sum, I did nothing.

Then the ICT Ministry very cleverly harassed me with information that one of my websites, Thai-Anti-Terrorism, was about to be charged with breaking national security laws and that I was to be charged with collaborating with terrorists. After running all over town trying to solve that one, panicking, that the powers that be were dead serious, I calmed down to figure out what to do.

Eventually, my hunch that resulted in a long winning instinct got me off - as with the insider trading trap, and now the ICT trap. With the ICT Ministry, I just barked back threatening to go to US Congressmen who were interested in internet freedom with my story of being harassed.

And by now even the right wing papers like the Post was getting pissed off and began to run stories of how webmasters who were pro-Thaksin were increasingly being harassed by the ICT Ministry. So if I just opened my mouth and got US Congressmen involved - hell would come to Thailand by way of Washington DC.

Well you get the idea what sort of intimidation and mind games were thrown at me. There were many others like those that I escaped - like something deep down or outside of me, was watching over me. By now my winning streak looked like the long tail of an unstable kite.